Ants on the window sill
Ants in the sink
Ants coming in to my house

Now that’s not a big deal
Not nearly as bad
As a Black Widow spider or mouse

But I just can’t abide
Any unwanted guests
They sure weren’t invited by me

So I headed for town
To our small hardware store
It was poison I wanted, you see

He gave me a bottle
Said it should do the trick
Just a drop that’ll hardly be seen

They’ll haul it on back
to their big old ant farm
And feed quite a bit to their queen

So I took it on home
And spread some around
I was ready to send em to Hell

In a few days it seemed
That there weren’t quite as many
came to answer Old Death’s dinner bell

And the next day, a few less
And the day after too
I could see that their numbers were down

Till at last only one ant
Survived from the nest
As I watched him I started to frown

The next day he came
And the day after that
It seemed not to affect him a bit
I used the whole bottle
He ate it with glee
He was starting to give me a fit

The it finally hit me
A Mutated Ant!
I’d seen ‘em in movies for years

His genetics were boogered
His chromosomes wrong
And I trembled from my darkest fears

At dawn the next day
I was ready for him
A swatter, some bug spray, a bat

A gas mask, a flare gun,
a great big  Buck knife
And  a beat up old ironworkers hat

I waited in vain
Till late afternoon
The I said “Ha, he’s give up the ghost”

So I poured some Tequila
Put my weapons away
And proposed an appropriate toast

“Here’s to you Ant”, I said
“You were tougher than most”
As I raised up my glass with a grin

“But you couldn’t stand up
To superior brains……”
Then the Cuervo dripped from my chin

From outside on the window sill
He looked at me
I swear that he gave me a wink

Then he jumped off the window
Out into the yard
As a cold sweat dripped into my drink

In a flash he was gone
Out through the brush
A spawn of the nuclear age

He’d prosper no doubt
And find more of his kind
Hidden out there in the sage

Now I sit here convinced
He’ll be coming back soon
And I think I feel my skin blanche

He’ll show up with his friends
And he’ll be six feet tall
Anyone want to buy a used ranch?